By Martina Hosse-Dolega
Martina Hosse-Dolega writes about the events of 1993 and 1994, when her sons Nico, Robin and Joshua died shortly after birth. The article is a personal testimony of parental grief, memory and the enduring love for children whose lives were far too short.
She describes how seeing her babies gave shape to the love she had already felt for them. The moments of dying were still moments, as if heaven itself were holding its breath. Since then, she writes, there has been a life before and a life after.
The death of her children also changed her sense of self. She does not like saying that she “lost” her children, because what is lost can be searched for and found again. Her children died, and nothing became “good” again. Yet photographs, a footprint and carefully preserved memories make her children visible and real even now.
For Hosse-Dolega, impressions need expression. Writing, painting, music, movement and other creative forms can help grief find a path. She emphasizes resources, resilience and the importance of people who listen, speak the children’s names and do not retreat into empty phrases.
The article closes with a plea for concrete support for grieving parents: conversations, grief accompaniment, psychotherapy, relaxation methods and recovery measures should be made more available. Grief needs time, space, expression and an understanding counterpart.
